In the previous blog, the insight mentioned that people could fall sick when the external stimulus imposed by society conflicts with the innate wisdom of the being. Conflict of any sort, when unresolved, festers in the body leading to stress and other illnesses. In general, any unresolved emotion that hampers well-being can cause issues. The suggestion was to connect to one’s true essence to create a more harmonious life.
That is hard when you have years of gunk stuck or embedded in you. We are programmed how to think, feel and live our life. The innate sense of well-being is ignored with a one size fits all approach.
We often ignore our intuition and follow others without thinking for ourselves. Something might feel off, and we don’t like it, but we follow along usually because we feel that others know more than us. Not following your intuition and innate wisdom is giving your power away. As mentioned in the other blog, everyone has a blueprint of well-being. Discarding and ignoring yours in favor of someone else causes a conflict that leads to dissatisfaction and other life issues. These unresolved issues, in turn, affect your well-being.
How does one connect with one’s true essence without society’s programming coming in?
Start listening to your body, your mind, and your soul. Ask if this is a message from the soul, inner programming, genuine or learned fear, etc.
It is more of an inward journey for all, with no fast fix. Usually, the body will indicate that something does not feel right. A flash of discomfort that you are going against yourself. A nagging thought that you are doing something that you think you shouldn’t be doing. It makes sense to see the origin of the thought. Is it really from you? Do others influence it? Is your intuition or gut saying something else?
Questioning yourself would be the first step.
Do some soul-searching and go deep within. Be curious about yourself and what makes you think, act or behave in a certain way. Start to embrace both the positive and negative aspects of yourself.
Once you know yourself better and understand what works or does not work for you -it takes you to the healing stage. A stage where you listen to yourself and start to feel good, confident, calmer and happier. The more you connect and respond to the voice within, the more favorable it is to your well-being.
We often hear that it is essential to set boundaries in life. Though the word boundaries mean a dividing line, how exactly does it apply to one’s life?
In this article, I want to express the importance of setting boundaries and a few simple steps to incorporate them into one’s daily life.
Setting boundaries is that invisible line between you and others based on mutual respect and understanding of personal space and values. It is an essential tool for overall well-being.
To understand it even further, what would an unhealthy boundary imply? Usually, when it comes to oneself, it means a disregard for one’s own values, wants, and needs. Usually, the personality trait would be a yes person or a people pleaser. Usually, with that trait, one would burn out very quickly. This could result in dissatisfaction with life if their own needs are unmet. Worse, one might not be appreciated or taken for granted for their deeds.
Before trying to set boundaries, evaluate what would stop you. Is it guilt? Many of us have been taught that it was wrong to say no. Do you feel responsible for others? Why? Could it be fear of someone not loving or appreciating you? Once you identify the root cause, it would be easier to honor yourself more with a few boundaries.
It has been established that one of the most significant factors in setting boundaries is to say no when you are not up to it. This goes both ways: saying no and accepting when others say no.
However, for the sake of this article, let us focus on you.
If you need help setting boundaries and want to attempt them for your well-being, consider trying these steps.
Analyze your life and see what parts you would like to change. Is it the frustration of being asked to do things at the last minute with the expectation that you will drop everything and do it? Does it annoy you that you can’t get your own things done because you are constantly doing things for others? Where can you put your foot down? Decide, and think of a way to set the boundaries. Then make sure to express your wishes to others.
Is it not in your comfort zone to say no? Then compromise to some extent where both parties are happy. A simple example would be with your family members. They expect you to help them, dropping everything you do. This could infringe on your bedtime, time to do something, etc. Be clear that you will not drop everything to help them when it is your time to sleep or do something else. You will help them, but you need a heads-up to plan and pace your day. Otherwise, they are on their own. However, do make sure you act upon your own words. People quickly realize when one is only all talk and not carry out actions.
Definitely, expect resistance. No one will take it seriously at first. You will be tested. No one will see how important this is to you and respect your wishes unless you consistently put your foot down. You don’t have to be rude or harsh. Just firm and kind. Just show that you are there for them, but you are also there for yourself.
Try it with simple, easy-to-do things first. You might have to make adjustments along the way. If you have not done this, it will be out of your comfort zone and take some effort.
Remind yourself: Setting boundaries is not a sign of weakness or inability to do things but more of respecting yourself by showing self-care.
Today, I am going to talk about something that has worked wonders for me, especially more so in the last several months. It is how to use the power of the mind or visualization for pain management.
In one of my previous blogs, I mentioned how having a fall impacted my way of living. Besides coming in the way of my daily activity, it would interfere with my sleep too. I underwent several physical therapy and chiropractic sessions, but the relief was temporary. A few acupuncture sessions helped far more with the pain than the other two treatments. I got a bit nervous with all the pain medications I was being prescribed and was reluctant to take them unless I could not function. The pain coming in the way of my sleep was quite frustrating. Sometimes, I would fall into a deep sleep to get up with pain, nerves tingling, etc.
Again, the alternatives I have talked about before have helped, but this particular tool of using visualization has come through for me so many times, that I get up in the morning feeling good.
Now, I have to mention here that this was a trial and error for me as to what worked. I guess it is also what you believe in. Since I am interested into the workings of the Universe, I think using the visualization of the Universe helped work well for me. I would imagine the light from above coming down and slowly erasing the pain. I have imagined the rain coming and washing away the pain, or even being in the ocean and pain just floating away. I have also visualized going through a whole acupuncture session without actually going through it. What I imagined depended on the kind of pain I was in.
The idea is to be creative and imaginative, but also make it believable.
Imagine in detail and in slow motion. It should feel like it is really happening. Don’t rush into the process. Just go very slow and see every bit and feel every bit while it is happening. I personally feel that it is so amazing how this process helps and works.
As with all other things, in the beginning, it might seem weird, and it may take time to see the difference. One might also be skeptical, which is why it is important to visualize what you can believe in happening.
I also noticed that it works more at night, as I am not distracted by any external stimulus. I guess that is because I can give the whole visualization process my complete focus. There have been numerous times when I have fallen asleep while visualizing. I do not even finish the entire process.
Do give it a try. Have fun with it. It will still be better than being in pain. A good night’s sleep is at least 50% of the healing process.
Slow, Slow, Slow Go with the flow Let go of the oars God will guide you to the shore.
This is a chant that I have been saying quite often lately to remind myself to try not to control everything in life. Starting in August 2021, a series of events shook my very foundation and challenged my way of thinking. I started re-questioning and investigating my core beliefs.
It started with a fall. The fall impacted me terribly, with my whole body in throbbing pain for several months. It was stressful beyond belief. On October 7th, one of the most influential and important person in my life decided to transition into the next world. In addition to that, work was very stressful, and had I not signed the contract, I would have called it quits. I just was not myself. I had lost interest in doing the things that once gave me pleasure. The pain, the stress, and the loss all added up, and I just found myself barely going through the routine and doing what was needed.
Now, being a person who liked to look at the alternatives, my techniques, such as EFT and visualization, helped. However, I was just trying to survive and finish the day. One day, when I was doing my usual meditative writing, it came to me that one of the reasons that I was taking so long to recover and feel back to my normal self was that everything that happened to me was beyond my control.
The fall, losing a loved one, and stressful people at work were all factors beyond my control. For a person, who likes to have control over all variables, and a solution for everything, that was very hard to take. It came to the point where I felt that should something else happen, I didn’t care. Whatever happens, I am too exhausted to deal with it. It was like leaving it to a higher self to care for things, as I just so badly wanted a break. So, I came up with this chant to remind me that sometimes it is best to let go of the oars while I am in this healing stage and trust that I will be guided to the shore of my choice or even better. I was not getting anywhere floundering in the dark.
At first, I kept chanting it to make myself believe it. Again, it was hard for a person like me who liked to control all factors of my life. After getting used to chanting and feeling better with it, I would voice my intention or what I would like and continue chanting. Slowly, I started to feel a shift. Life was going a lot more smoothly and changing for the better. Not to say, it helps ease the stress of things.
I guess the logic is that I see and process things only from what is in my view. A bird above would see a view far better, as it sees all the angles of the whole picture. Same way, maybe I am not seeing the full view, and God or the Universe is seeing the complete picture. When I felt out of control and bombarded with things I could not personally do much about, it made more sense to let go of the oars.
I urge my friends to let go of the oars and put it to the Universe to help you if you ever find yourself in a situation where things are totally out of your control. Do not be attached to the results, time frame, or outcome. If this way of thinking is new to you, it might take some time, but be consistent, and things will improve. Do let me know if this resonates with you.
Sometimes, we face a situation where we feel like we do not have any control. It is a very frustrating feeling as you are not sure how to handle the situation.
In this blog, I want to share a couple of ideas that might help when you have this feeling again.
First, get away from this situation. How? Go and do something that is in your control. Something that when you do it, you will see the physical result of it. Give your full attention to this activity only. Do not think about the troubling situation. Do this till you are relaxed and see the results. Only after that, revisit the frustrating situation.
For example: Let us say you are waiting for some important documents to be submitted. You have not received them, nor have you got a call letting you know what is going on. You are stuck as you cannot continue without those papers. You start getting frustrated. However, it is not in your hands, and the situation is beyond your control. Instead of fretting and stressing, change your activity and do something where you can see immediate results. It could be something as simple as folding clothes or tidying something. Focus for a while on this new activity till you see the physical manifestation in front of your eyes. The clothes are all neatly folded, or the office looks clean. Walk the dog, water the plants, or anything else that you can finish and see the results. Listen to music, move and enjoy what you are doing.
Do something that makes you feel good, and you are satisfied that you achieved or accomplished something.
Now, go back to your original problematic situation. Usually, one comes up with a solution as to how to handle the frustrating situation.
Still no change? Break down the situation into several small parts. Write it down if needed. Then look at which part of the situation you do have control over and work on that.
Still no change? Analyze if it is worth this frustration and stress. If not, let it go and dance with the flow. You know things will ease up and resolve soon. Stressing is not going to change the situation. How we decide to handle the situation does do so. Just manage what you can or go with the flow.
When asked what one would like to experience more to improve the quality of life, the answer varies. Some feel that it would improve if they knew what their specific mission on earth was. Others spout out words such as peace, calm and fruitful. The words we hear the most are joy and happiness.
However, when we go one step further and ask to define the word joy and what would be needed to feel it, no one seems to be clear on how to do so.
People often look at it as acquiring a material object. It could be a house, a car, more money in the bank, etc. Admittedly, these things can give you joy, but frankly, not a lasting one.
Very often, people try to fill the void they feel with material things. They think it would be a quick fix to experience joy in life. However, not all people are in a situation to buy what gives them happiness at free will and at any time. This can actually cause more frustration.
So, how does one bring joy into life? The simplest way is to make a conscious effort to enjoy life. So how would one describe the word enjoy? Enjoy means doing or what it takes to makes you feel really, really good, lifting your vibration to a high level. Achieving this varies from person to person based on what makes them feel good.
So, what are some simple ways of enjoying life? First, whatever you do -make sure you do with the attitude of like and joy. Decide that you are going to enjoy what you are doing. The approach should be positive. If you just can’t feel being positive-take a break and get back to it when you are more inclined to do so.
Next, put a creative spin on it. This works well on things that you are not fond of doing. If you cannot put a creative spin on it, combine it with something you like doing. It could be as simple as listening to music while washing the dishes. No matter how mundane and boring, put your own creative touch to it.
Finally, try different ways of expressing yourself and your truth. Variety can make life enjoyable. See what makes you tick, and then use that as much as you can during the day. As I have said many times before in my other blogs, one size does not fit all. Make your day unique to you.
Very often, people mix up peace/calm with joy. In my opinion, peace is the basic foundation or stepping stone to leading a joyful life. Peace and calm mean something to the effect that nothing rattles you. Joy says that I actually like and am positively leaning towards it. So what is joy? A simple meaning would be the ability to like what you do, live a life that lifts you up irrespective of circumstances, and an attitude to focus on the positive aspects of life. This attitude towards your daily living makes a more joyful, fulfilling life.
Previously, we had talked about the universal law of cause and effect. I also mentioned that the most commonly known theory worldwide that implies the same was the Law of Attraction.
There are many factors as to what makes the Law of Attraction theory work. In this article, I will touch on the importance of focusing on what you want. As humans, we mostly tend to give in to fear and give attention to the things that we do not want in our lives. It could be on all issues such as health, finances, relationships, careers, etc.
Do any of these phrases sound familiar? I am worried that__________ I am scared that _____
Now when we understand that what comes into our lives is a manifestation of our thoughts, it is clear to see where we are going wrong. We tend to focus on what is not going well, more and more-which, in turn, attracts the like of it more and more. Focusing on what you want is the best way to manifest it. Put it out in your thoughts and words what you desire in life.
Try rephrasing what you want with starters like these instead. I am ready for _________ I am eager _____________
Your body is an indicator of your thought process. When you think negative thoughts, your body feels stressed. On the other hand, positive focus makes you feel good and excited about what is coming. If you are not used to this, start with something small. Something that you believe can happen. Put out what you want in a positive way, knowing it will happen, and then step back and wait. Make it a routine habit in your daily life to focus on the desired outcome. This is very important when working with the Law of Attraction theory.
Hello! In this article, I would like to introduce a simple but powerful theory that has helped many.
Sometimes, people are not happy with their life and wish things were different. It could be career or money related, relationships, or just a more enjoyable life. Unfortunately, many of these things also seem farfetched to some, and they brush it off as wishful thinking. What if you were told that you have a 90% or more chance of having the life you want, and it is all in your control? What if I told you that it is not a matter of luck or destiny, but you and only you, who has the power to create the life you want? Is that possible? How? Well, it is the universal law of cause and effect. Some call it the law of attraction. Others call it Karma (based on the present life only). It is also equivalent to the phrase, “What you reap is what you sow.” Your thoughts, words, and actions determine the quality of your life. Sounds too preachy or religious? Well, many religions have talked about this theory in their own way. However, this really has nothing to do with morality, justice, doing the right thing, or being a good person. This is simply saying what you put out in terms of thoughts, words, and action echoes back to you in a similar form to be a part of your life. For example, if you have thoughts such as the world is scary, you will find yourself in situations that mirror how you perceive the world. Similarly, the opposite is true. See the world and yourself through the happy, bright eyes, and your life improves. It is about you and you only. What you choose to focus on, positive or negative that is what you attract back towards you. It is all about where and what you are focusing and putting your energy into. When one knows that we have the power to change our own life, wouldn’t it be more freeing than to think that we are at the mercy of someone or some situation? All we must remember, how we perceive life is what we experience. In this article, I just want to introduce the theory. In future articles, I would like to go into more detail as to how to use this simple theory in your life.
Very often, we see ourselves in a relationship where we look for someone else to fill our emotional cup. When I say fill our cup, I mean that need or emotion where we feel that someone else can or should fill for us. It could be as simple as wanting someone to always be there near you or keep showering you with attention. You probably also measure your own self-worth based on how much the other person does or is willing to do for you. Do some of these thought patterns sound familiar? Why can’t he be with me right now? Does he not see all that I do for him? Why do they not love me as I love them? Could it be me and not them? When others cannot fill your cup or meet your needs as per your satisfaction, hurt, pain, anger, and frustration arise. When you do not feel loved, appreciated, or liked enough by the people you care about, you start questioning your worth or your shortcomings. This would be more likely if you are young.
Our mind fills with negative thought patterns.
We often need that validation that we are accepted, loved, appreciated, and that we matter. When we don’t get this validation, we get needy, clingy, start assuming the worst, and fill our mind with negativity. We start finding faults with ourselves, try to come up with justifying answers, blame others, and could also get depressed.
Usually, the problem is neither them nor us. It is just that the other person might not be able to fill our cup the way we want. It may not be that they do not care, but that is all they can give. It might just not be enough for you. So, you get disappointed, and your expectations are shattered. Children cannot do not much about such a situation. However, as an adult, I can only say- to not rely on others to fill that cup!
You need to learn to fill your own cup. Live a life where you can independently work on things that fulfill your needs. Only when you fill your own cup, you will be less dependent on others to fill it for you. This makes you more independent in taking care of your needs. Appreciate, love, take care of yourself first, engage in activities that help fill your needs. Slowly, there will be a shift, and you will not be as dependent on others for validation. The quality and value of your life and its purpose improves. When you have started this process, you will also notice it is easier for the other person to fill it with you.
What some of us try to do is to fill our needs and desires through someone else. You want someone else to fill in and do things to make you feel good. That kind of dependency is usually not constant, as the other person has their own path or life to live. Eventually, it can also get frustrating for the other person. What would make sense is for you to fill your own cup-and let the other person just add a bit of seasoning to it.
A few days ago, I was introduced to a friend’s nephew at a social gathering. He had come to stay with her for the summer. She later confided in me that she was glad that he had come to stay with her. He was a very shy boy and just did not know how to connect with people. She was hoping that if he accompanied her to some social events, he would start getting comfortable being around others. However, despite his aunt’s attempt to involve him in a few conversations, he was mostly seen sitting on the side with his phone.
Knowing what it feels like to be shy, I couldn’t help but empathize with the young man. Speaking from experience, I know that forcing someone to socialize can cause unnecessary stress. However, I also understood why my friend wanted to help, as, in her culture, shyness is also mistaken for snobbishness.
I went over to talk to the young man. He confided that he felt “like a fish out of water.” That was totally understandable, as he really did not know anyone there. However, in general, he just did not feel comfortable being around people. He said his shyness would come in the way of meeting people and making friends. He often felt left out, for usually, no one would make the effort to include him. He wanted to make friends and mix with people. He just did not know how to do so.
My first instinct is to tell you, my shy friends, that if your shyness does not come in the way of your life or cause you to stress, then I am glad that you are one of those who are comfortable in your own skin. That is the way it should be. Accept and love yourself for who you are. However, I usually see this only with the older generation who have learned how to be comfortable accepting themselves.
For those whose shyness is a source of frustration, and would like to make more friends and socialize, I would like to suggest a few strategies that may or may not resonate with you. Every individual is different with varying degrees of shyness. I sure hope one of them will help lower some of the stress filters. Look at each one, and see which might be easy for you to do.
So here goes:
Talk about something that catches your interest in the room.
Mutual Interest: Try this with only one person at a time in a social gathering. When you first see the person try to figure out if you have anything in common. Start with a simple hi and introduce yourself. A topic of mutual interest makes a good conversation starter. It could be about the place where you are, something you are both seeing on display, etc. Do not pretend about the mutual interest, as it could backfire. Keep the conversation short and simple. When you leave, say it was nice meeting them. Remember their name, so you can start a conversation again next time. Move on to another person.
Ask Questions: If you cannot find someone with mutual interest, then try this next strategy. People usually like to talk about themselves or their passions. Find someone who you think would be interesting to talk to. All you have to do is show genuine interest, and ask some questions. When they give you some information, rephrase it in some way, and ask another question based on that information. Carry the conversation for a few minutes. However, once again, make sure you are genuinely interested. Remember, what they said, and the next time you meet them, ask them about something you talked about the previous time. This will start making the other person notice you too. Make it short and sweet.
Volunteering and helping both make you feel good and confident in what you are trying to do.
Volunteer:An easy way to work on your shyness is to volunteer your services. Working with the same people regularly for a cause you believe in, should help make it easier in connecting and interacting with other people.
Help others: Helping others in times of need (big or small) will help you feel more comfortable and relaxed as you are doing a good deed.
Respect: A simple “Good Morning” and “Have a nice day” works wonders. Greetings, appreciation, politeness, all these go a long way. Please remember to always be genuine. Eventually, people will notice and start responding in kind. It is all about how you make the other person feel.
Small treats to tell others you are thinking of them.
Small Gestures: According to a friend, she was nominated employee of the year several times just for using this strategy. She would practice the strategy of asking questions and getting to know people. She would remember their conversations and would ask about the progress or update whenever they met next. This could be anything from inquiring how a loved one was doing, or when the grandchild was due. Through her questioning and genuine interest, she learned quite a bit about her fellow workers and clients. Now, she went one step ahead. If she knew it was their birthday or a special day, she would remember to wish them. She did this with every employee of the office, including the doorman and the custodian. Small, kind gestures that made the other person feel special. Sometimes, she would just buy a bag of candy and put one piece on each person’s desk. Basically, she did small, inexpensive gestures to make others feel good. People used to like talking to her, as she showed she cared to listen. Believe it or not, she says she was very shy during her school and young adulthood years.
Mentally affirm a “I like you” before speaking.
Mental Affirmations: Here is what another friend told me that she would do. Before even opening her mouth to speak to the person, she would mentally affirm or say to the person, “I like you.” According to her, this system worked wonders. I can totally see why this would work. One, it probably softened the look on her face, making her more approachable. Two, there was no judgment and just acceptance, even though it was mentally affirmed. Everyone wants to be accepted.
Support Group: There are support groups that help with varying degrees of shyness.
Now, if your shyness is causing you social anxiety, where you feel you cannot cope with people in general, please, do seek professional help. The above strategies are not for you.
The above techniques are only suggestions for those who are shy in nature and would like a few tips to feel at ease while refining their social skills. One of these strategies may resonate with you. See if you can try it for a few minutes every day. Patience and consistency are important factors to see if really works for you.
Make sure whatever you decide to try is within your comfort zone. The idea is to lower the stress level. Never try to be someone you are not. That can be exhausting. Learn to be comfortable with who you are and what you do. When you are comfortable with who are and accept yourself, others will accept you too.
Janet and Carrie were sitting in the back yard of Carrie’s home. They decided to meet up after a long time.
Carrie: I am so glad you came over. It has been ages since I have had someone over.
Janet: Yes, I am glad we finally did get together. You are always so busy.
Carrie: (sighing) You know how it is with a husband, kids, job …. sometimes I am so overwhelmed. I am so looking forward to this time together.
Janet:(smiling)So am I. What have you been up to?
Carrie Well, let me see. Mike is now in 5th grade…. (her voice trailed as the phone rang).
Husband: (yelling) Honey, can you get the phone?
Carrie (apologetically) Give me a second. I will be right back.
She went in. Ten minutes later…
Carrie Sorry, that was Mike asking about his baseball mitt. So, what were we talking about? Ah yes, as I was saying ……
Girl: Mom, have you seen my green T-shirt?
Carrie: (frowning) No, but why don’t you check in your box, by the side of the bed.
Girl: (dramatically)It is not there! I really need it!
Carrie (sighing) Give me a few minutes, Janet. Let me take care of this. Otherwise, I will not be able to sit and talk to you.
Janet: (waving her hand) Sure, go ahead.
Ten minutes later Carrie returned. In the next 30 minutes, they were interrupted 2 more times.
Carrie (sighing deeply) Janet, how do you do it? Just like me, you too have a husband, kids, and a demanding job. Yet, you seem to be well adjusted and calm. I am sometimes quite frustrated, overwhelmed, and go to bed exhausted. Sometimes, I really wonder how I make it through the day.
Janet: (letting out a breath) Carrie, we are friends, so I hope what I am going to say does not offend you.
Carrie nodded her head. Janet usually had a way of putting things into perspective.
Janet: It all has to do with you.
Carrie (surprised) Me! Janet, I am doing everything I can. I am just so tired. I don’t know if I can do anything more without breaking down completely.
Janet: (smiling) Carrie, my dear, it starts with you. You must have healthy boundaries with everything. Yes, they may be your love, your babies, but it has to start with you. You may be proud of yourself for coping, but is that really living? That means your family will run well, as long as you can do so. What would happen if you cannot?
Carrie: (shaking her head) I don’t know. I guess they will have to learn to manage…(shrugging her shoulders)
Janet: Do you think they will be able to do so?
Carrie: (nodding yes) It might be hard at first, but I think we will be okay.
Janet: So then, what is the issue that they cannot do so now? Are you not doing them a disservice right now, by making them so dependent, or doing everything for them? They are happy that you are doing things for them. However, what does it do for you? It does not look like you are personally getting what makes you happy too.
Carrie (a bit defensively) I like doing things for them. It makes me feel good that I am there for them. It is just that I am so, so tired all the time (sighing again).
Janet: Since the time we have been here together, look how many times you have been interrupted. You need to have some healthy boundaries.
Carrie: Boundaries?
Janet. Well, your family knew you had company-right? Yet, they did not think twice about interrupting you for their needs, which you said could have waited. They probably are used to you jumping to do their needs.
Carrie(nodding her head in acknowledgment) I guess it has always been that way.
Janet: You asked me how is it that I am more relaxed? It is because I set up the boundaries. My work knows I will give it my all. However, they also know not to disturb me during my family time. My family knows that I will give them my all, love them, and support them. Yet, they know not to disturb me during my time, unless it is an emergency.
Carrie: (eyes widen) Your time? How often do you get to do your time?
Janet: (smiled) Quite often. Only if I can recharge my batteries during my time, then I can give my all to the others. I don’t mean I do everything for them. We have a set of rules. Everyone has their chores and responsibilities. But, everyone also knows about the importance of me-time and respect that.
Carrie: (shaking her head) They are just kids. John(husband) is busy with work too.
She stopped when she saw Janet shaking her head.
Janet: Just because they are kids, does not mean that they don’t understand. Kids get the concept of personal time. It is a matter of priority. Don’t you think you are important?
Carrie: (nodding) Well yes, but how do we even go about it now? They are not going to like it if I try to start changing things around. I wouldn’t even know where to begin.
Janet: (nodding in agreement) No, they won’t. No one likes change, especially if things are going well for them. First, decide what do you want? What will help make this feeling of being overwhelmed, ease up a bit?
Carrie: (thinking) Hmmm. I would like to have a little time where I can go pamper myself or spend more time with friends. I have not done that in ages.
Janet: Good! First, think about what you would like. Now, when you know for sure what you want, come up with a few ideas as to how things can be done differently. Then, have a talk with John and voice what you would like. When he is on board, then both of you approach the kids.
Carrie: (nodding while listening). Go on.
Janet: You could also just call a family meeting and voice your thoughts. Come up with the changes together. Pick a way that works best with your family.
Carrie: (shaking her head doubtfully) I am not sure… it will disrupt everyone.
Janet: Maybe in the beginning, especially since it has not been done before. But, if you are consistent and show how important this is to you, they will learn to adjust. The key is consistency. I am not telling you to make them upset, so you can be happy. No, I am telling you to come up with a win-win situation where everybody cooperates and understands the need. Start small and see how it feels.
Carrie: (doubtfully) I know it worked for you, but my family is different. Maybe, I am being a bit self-centered to want this.
Janet: (exasperated) Carrie, you told me how tired, exhausted, and stressed you feel. Your family is probably not even aware of it, as you are always trying to be the superwoman. However, even a superwoman needs to recharge her batteries. You can only give as much as you got. If you are burned out, your health could be affected. Then, you will have another set of problems. You will not be able to help at all. It is important to set healthy boundaries. It must start with YOU.
Carrie: (sighing) What you say does make sense. I do know my current situation does not work for me.
Janet: Good! Think about what will help ease that load on your shoulders and ask your family to help. A true family is about teamwork and having each other’s back.
Carrie: (slight laugh) Okay! Let me think about how to go about it.
Janet: (smiling) There you go! Now, how about setting a day with me to go for a quick massage. Can you spare one hour?
Carrie: (laughing) If I follow your suggestion, I should be able to. Let me call you next week.
